Just a casual bit of Big Fish, Little Fish, Cardboard Box, as you do
It is I, Amy, here to bring you (hopefully) joy with some embarrassing pictures and very awkward faces. You must know how these blooper posts go by now, so let’s waste no more time and have at it!
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- Secret revealed: in winter when it’s been raining I have to wear boots when shooting in the garden because it’s too muddy for shoes. Oh the things you miss out of frame!
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- Ah yes, those times when I hit the remote to begin the photo countdown then feel the sudden desperate need to adjust something awkward
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- Seriously, it happens a lot
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- But luckily, whether it’s a self-remote shoot or a loved one behind the camera, there’s no one who can make adjustments more subtly than I can
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- I really don’t want to brag, but I could basically medal in subtlety.
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- Yeah, exactly. I’m just really good at making small, minor movements to shift seams and sleeves
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- Seriously, just look at all this grace and elegance
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- THERE’S NO WAY ANYONE COULD SPOT THAT MY PETTICOAT GOT CAUGHT SOMEWHERE WEIRD
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- I mean, I bet you can’t even TELL my collar was doing something funky in the back here, right?
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- If I didn’t *tell* you that I spotted something wrong with my brooch, I bet you wouldn’t even be able to tell there was something off in this shot
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- Tuck, tuck, shift! No one will know!
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- And I never have trouble finding pockets seamlessly between shots either, nuh uh
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- Not me. I’m a pro
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- Loose bra strap? NOT HERE
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- Entire spine feeling like it needs to jump out of my skin? THERE IS JUST NO WAY TO EVER KNOW WHEN I’M UNCOMFORTABLE
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- The problem with this adjustment is, WHY DO I LOOK SCARED OF IT?!
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- Man, if this shot doesn’t encapsulate what a struggle some photoshoots are then I don’t know what will
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- Sometimes I simply fuck up my timing, like this gem
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- It’s a lot easier when I have someone to take the pictures for me. You know, until I still manage to mess up shots anyway, like this
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- Or start my inevitable wordless directing of what orientation I’d like the next shots to be
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- I can even do headless hand-gesture directing!
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- Because using hand gestures rather than taking 5 extra seconds to use the right words is definitely easier
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- Can you tell this means ‘Just bring the whole camera up a touch, but keep it in portrait for the next batch’?
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- ‘Is the top of the pillar in shot?’
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- There’s never any confusion as I twist my wrist back and forth saying ‘no, portrait. The camera has to be up, like that. No, mum, the other way. Mum! Just hold it up!’
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- Yes, my mum takes my pics sometimes, and then she amuses herself by deliberately taking photos as I talk to her or change positions
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- And then she looks at the awful shots of me on the camera and giggles, like at this one
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- WHY MUM, WHY?!
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- Jezuz, let’s just go back to the bad adjustments. Like this one, in which I look a bit like a ghost is strangling me
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- And this one, in which I appear to be surprised that a picture was being taken of me adjusting my necklace, even though I’M THE ONE WHO CONTROLS THE REMOTE
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- Honestly, the number of times I press the remote to take the picture and only THEN notice something is wrong with my clothes is astounding
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- Apparently there are moments in which holding a handbag normally suddenly became a very difficult task
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- I guess that’s better than this face, for which there is no excuse. WHY IS MY MOUTH A WRETCHED SNARL OF DISINGENUOUS-NESS?
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- I think my eye might have genuinely begun to malfunction
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- Something made a scurring noise by my feet, OH GOD!
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- The face of someone who has forgotten how to display a petticoat
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- Yeah, face aside, those wide set feet ain’t it either, chief
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- Oh look, I also forgot how to twirl. Cool.
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- I SWEAR TO GOD I WAS JUST SCRATCHING A BADLY PLACED ITCH, I WAS NOT PICKING MY NOSE I SWEAR I SWEAR
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- Am I…powering down mid-shoot??
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- Nothing like getting the giggles unexpectedly mid-shot
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- Look, it happens
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- So does me being a child
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- Speaking of…THE FLOOR IS LAVA!
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- Looking pretty smug there aintcha for someone who can’t keep her eyes open for the full 2 seconds needed to take a photo, hey sport!
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- ‘Wait, did I leave the oven on?’
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- Am I falling down in slow motion, because that is what this looks like
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- Guessing game: Did I spot a dog or was I unsticking my lipstick?
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- I like the idea of nailing those casual, mid-step walking photos bloggers are well known for, and then I look at photos like these and I realise that will never happen
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- Sometimes when you shoot alone your first set-up can be a liiiiittle off the mark
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- Or, you know, A LOT off the mark
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- And sometimes you go a little bit stir-crazy and decide to do something different, like try to throw some acorns in the air, as if that would ever be a good idea
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- You try to get creative with scenery and lighting…and FAIL!
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- Or you start to pull some silly poses just to amuse yourself
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- Although, this awkwardness was purely accidental
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- None of it really matters when you look at the pictures and wonder how you ended up with gruesome shots like this without meaning to
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- I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW OR WHY THIS HAPPENED
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- Although there’s also no way to ever know why I felt this face was necessary, and yet here we are
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- Or this one either, for that matter. I look like I’m about to deck someone
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- OH DEAR GOD, IS THIS THE ‘MY LIPSTICK FEELS LIKE ITS GOING GUNKY IN THE CORNERS’ MOUTH STRETCH? WHY IS THERE PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF OF THIS MOMENT?!!
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- And again, in public, apparently…
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- At least this was a more restrained version of the lipstick-unstick that won’t make my mum chastise me
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- Rare photographic proof of the moment a woman heard a man say ‘well, actually…’
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- Nose leaf. Enough said.
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- Like, am I about to tell the camera some home truths or something??
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- Being pinickity about camera angles or pretending my hand is a puppet?
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- The thing is, this would be LESS embarrassing if I WAS deliberately making a hand puppet out of it
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- Just a casual bit of Big Fish, Little Fish, Cardboard Box, as you do
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- Yikes, what did I just step in?
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- Does this or does this not look like a 50 year old white Auntie approaching the dance floor ready to break it down to her favourite song?
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- Uh oh, what’s this, what’s about to happen?
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- Oh, yes, of course, a sneeze.
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- In this one I straight up may have just decided that nothing is worth it, ever
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- ‘I know, I’ll kick about in the snow! It’ll look really cute! Because that’s totally a real thing people do!’ I thought. Yes, Amy. In puddles they do. Wrong precipitation.
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- It’s like this is the moment I realised that and crumpled
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- Poorly timed shot or staring into the void of modern day capitalist life and realising you have no hope left inside you?
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- My face when people eat food I don’t like, because I’m 5
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- I’M the one who hit the button on the remote to take the picture, so why is my face so unprepared yet suspicious?!
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- Cool action shot bro
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- Is it a sneeze or was it really bright out that morning? Who could even say!
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- The wonder of being able to hear a gust of wind approaching…
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- And then maybe not being so full of wonder when it does
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- When you can feel a strand of hair stuck to your lipstick so you reach to try to move it, and then you’ve accidentally made a porno
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- ‘Yikes!’ pretty much sums that up
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- I thought I could get a cool shot of casually tossing an apple mid-air. I was very wrong
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- I gave up on that pretty quick and just went back to being FUCKING AWKWARD
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- LIKE COME ON. WOT. WOT!
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- Did I forget to put my legs on the right way round when I got up that morning??!
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- Yes, of course, because why wouldn’t I hit myself in the face mid-shoot
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- ‘This wind shot is going to look so cool and dreamy,’ every blogger tells themselves as they try to make the best of a bad weather day
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- …ONLY TO BE TOTALLY WRONG, WIND SHOTS ALWAYS SUCK!
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- WHY IS MY HAND AN AWKWARD CLAW
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- Your grandma reaching into her handbag for a handkerchief to lick and wipe on your face
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- I react like a true adult whenever I see a spiderweb or bug, I assure you
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- The immediate level of annoyance when my cat decides to join a shot
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- Smugly pleased she’s leaving promptly
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- Don’t know why I was bothered she was ‘ruining’ photos when I was DOING THAT PRETTY DAMN WELL ALL ON MY OWN!
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- Which is the case on all shoots, really. Example 1328
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- A dog was approaching, and I guess that made my robot hand go haywire ready for pets?
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- I leave you with this: the moment I noticed my niece was watching me out the conservatory windows, and reacted like any sensible, loving aunt would
Miss Amy May 
Home alone. Laughed so hard had to wipe tears away. The dog now thinks I am criminally insane. And you are fabulous in each one, your best yet!
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Haha picturing the scene you described made me happy! I’m glad you enjoyed this
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Ahhh yes, I really gotta start keeping my bloopers so I can join you on this adventure – it really is my FAVORITE thing. Mostly because it just proves how enjoyable you are and reminds me that someday, we need to meet in person. One can hope!
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LOL I absolutely adore you ❤ Still a girl crush 🙂
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