Bloopers & Outtakes [Round 14]

I meant to do this next round of bloopers for y’all as a New Years gift so, you know, only EIGHT MONTHS LATE. Jeez.

I’m sure you know the drill: online isn’t real, everything is a highlight reel, I have tons of awful pictures that prove how awkward, unglamorous, sometimes lonely and often embarrassing it is to be a blogger/influencer, so here you go, enjoy these disastrous shots and go forth in the comfort of their meek, wilting gleam!

Alone, this face means ‘Oh whoops, didn’t mean to hit the remote, it’ll be less awkward if I pull a silly face in the resulting photo.’

: Why am I waving? I’m shooting alone in my garden, this isn’t a great pose

: Speaking of shooting outside…sometimes my nose gets too cold and a tissue break is needed

: And the thing about shooting outside alone is I can’t always tell where a shadow is going to fall until I look back at the test shot

: …But I probably should’ve guessed this would be too much dappled lighting to even remotely work!

: Oh, also, I don’t put my outfit shoes on unless my feet are in the shot, because I’ve ruined many a pair of shoes shooting in fields

: No, seriously, in autumn and winter, it’s basically just mush out there and my wellies are necessary AF

: Here, I think it’s pretty obvious this set-up wasn’t going to work

: Compared to the failure here being, you know, just my own face

: My dreary, zoned-out face which screams ‘I’m not in the mood for this’

: It’s actually amazing how often I have my eyes shut considering I CONTROL THE SHUTTER RELEASE

: There’re days where my timing is a split-second off for, like, 1/3 of photos, I don’t know why

: It happens every couple months, suddenly it’s just slatted-eye city!

: Like hello, poor framing AND my eyes aren’t fully open

: …Possibly preferable to this chicken wing pose, though.

: Screw the chicken wing, WTF IS THIS POSE?? Peacefully falling backwards off a building?!

: I will never be able to explain how out of sync I can get with the timing process

: Here? Neither my hands NOR face were ready for that camera click

: AND THIS?! WTF WAS THIS?

: Clearly I fully misjudged the framing in this tester shot

: And by the time I had sorted it, I DID AN ENTIRE SHOOT WITH A SPIDER ON MY HEAD

: In some tester shots I learn something new about myself, which is that I’M A FUGGIN’ GHOST!

: Okay, this lighting wasn’t much better

: Right, lighting sorted, and yet still there is the issue of MY FACE

: Oh, sorry, and also something in my eye

: And, oh god, maybe a bird above me that might poop??

: That all makes it almost a relief when I just fail to find my pocket in time for the shot

: This? I have no explanation for this. Couldn’t even begin to guess!

: Here I tried a new pose. The result? I look like I am both standing and falling all at once

: Although that’s markedly less awkward that how FULLY CONSPICUOUS this attempt was to show off the sleeve cuffs

: This angle on the whole didn’t work either

: Oh gosh, nor this. When will I learn I cannot pull of poses that require a delicacy of movement and constitution?

: This shoot was on holiday with my friends and I dragged my bestie Menna into being my photog

: So she got to witness these awkward between-poses bloopers in real time

: I’M A GHOST AGAIN

: NOW I’M A ROBOT!

: I assume here I decided to visually represent what it feels like when I get a crick in my neck

: Before I gave instructions loudly across a lobby

: Sad doll is dejected

: To reiterate, I use a remote to take photos. SO WHY DID I DECIDE TO ADJUST MY BRA *AFTER* I CLICKED IT??

: This must’ve been one of those out-of-sync days because look!

: LOOK!

: This mess is just because

: It’s REALLY HARD to get fabric to move the way you want it to while your body & face remain positioned. Sometimes you look like a weird bird in the attempt *crying emoji*

: You have to SWISH at the right time, AND get your hands back into place 1 second later, AND remember to arrange your face.

: It’s a lot to think about. Too much, often.

: And that’s without attempting to incorporate movement in a novel way, like, idk, DANCING

: I STRAIGHT UP WAS IN A SINGING IN THE RAIN MOOD AND IT DID NOT WORK. AT. ALL.

: You know what else didn’t work at all? Whatever the fuck this is.

: And this. God, THIS makes me want to die of cringe.

: By comparison, this typical sleeping shot is fine

: And then I again became concerned about being pooped on, I can only assume

: The fun thing about this day is I FORGOT TO TAKE ALL MY HAIR CLIPS OUT

: I did waaaay too many shots before I noticed those clips. Way too many

: The bloopers aren’t always MY fault though. Often there’s wind

: I mean, if it’s the only day I can shoot and it’s windy, then it’s a windy shoot day

: Still makes me wanna cry (and sometimes I get stuff blown into my eyes,) but I deal with it

: Genuinely, wind is a nightmare to shoot in

: In public places it can get real awkward when it gets all upskirt-y

: I’ve tried a couple times to play into it but I’m not cutesy enough for this kinda shit

: And what, exactly, am I supposed to do when it’s messing with my hair like this?

: And THIS?? That’s it, I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS

: This is just my mum taking photos when I’m not prepared

: You know, maybe I’m about to change positions and she captures a weird vibe from that

: Or I’m just adjusting my clothing and she thinks ‘yeah, perfect, this looks great!’ /S

: Obviously, like, why WOULDN’T she take a photo of this?

: OR THIS? This proves her third daughter is pure beauty and elegance!

: Tho I can’t blame her for snapping a shot before I’ve put my hand in my pocket, because somehow I do that to myself too

: This time the problem was clearly the pocket, because where TF is that sucker??

: DOUBLE POCKET STRUGGLE?! Muuuum!

: Oh FFS!

: I mean, there’s no way she thought I was posed and ready here, just no way.

: ABSOLUTELY NO WAY! She clearly did this on purpose!

: This one isn’t her fault, this was just me not realising what lens I had on the camera, my bad

: But this was her fault!

: And this!

: ‘Are you taking pictures while I get in my spot? Mum!’

: LOLOLOL MUM STOOOOOP! (She giggles when she sees how bad the photos are on the back of the camera, it’s actually cute)

: YOU CAN SEE HER SHADOW IN THIS SHOT, THAT’S MUMMA MAY!

: This one makes me think I’m beginning the choreo on The Spice Girl’s ‘Stop Right Now’ and I’m okay with that

: I mean, it’s better than my mother continuing to be a menace!

: I make dumb faces when I adjust myself as a non-verbal cue that ‘don’t take a photo right now’ and yet that is not what she understands it to mean

: And yet I keep trying, assuming one day she will pick it up

: I stopped asking her to shoot me when Covid hit, so she can’t do this anymore

: No great loss for her, since here I am once again directing her as to what I want

: Better I just shoot alone and make a fool of myself all by my damn self

: …Yes, this was one of those out-of-sync days as well

: I know, you’re probably shocked by how many of them there are

: It really is only once every 2 months, maybe less

: Probably an improvement upon me thinking I can adjust my bra strap before the photo is taken (Reader: I cannot)

: Waving at cows here, like a complete fucking nerd,

: Didn’t even hide the remote here, AND that’s A TERRIBLE ATTEMPT AT DISPLAYING POCKETS???

: Alone, this face means ‘Oh whoops, didn’t mean to hit the remote, it’ll be less awkward if I pull a silly face in the resulting photo.’

: Could laugh at myself for that one, because it’s absolutely not better than my mum doing it to me

: Forget it, I’m too busy struggling to keep my friggin’ hat on my head and ruining my hair in the process

: OKAY WHATVER, BYE

3 thoughts on “Bloopers & Outtakes [Round 14]”

hbyd on September 3, 2022 at 2:20 pm said:

This post made me laugh a lot today. Particularly the head spider and tree branch shadow face! Sometimes pictures you reject I like. The picture in which your waving- I like it. Thanks for more bloopers! Also you must have a lovely Mum.♡

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- missamymay on September 3, 2022 at 2:39 pm said:
  
  I’m glad you enjoyed it ❤️ My mum is the best! I used to ask her to shoot me when I wanted photos in public places (usually the shots where there’re stone walls as backdrops) but I stopped when covid hit. Now when I get up the courage to go shoot in those spots alone (it’s so embarrassing! Joggers and dog walkers come past and wonder why I’m all dressed up taking pics of myself) it’s much less fun than doing it with my super cute mumma 😭
  
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  - hbyd on September 3, 2022 at 3:34 pm said:
    
    awww Hopefully she’ll be back to assisting you soon.
    
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