Last summer Pinup Girl Clothing previewed the Renee dress, a halter neck dress with faux tied bust, Jenny-esque gathered skirt, and, most notable of all, a midriff cut out. Coming in 5 prints–Tipsy Elephant, Mint Pinup Girl, Navy and white Anchor print, and plain red and plain black–I immediately fell in love. Looking at the dress on Doris Mayday it, of course, looked utterly perfect. But I don’t have Doris’s body, and I have probably bared my midriff maybe thrice in my life? And that is just a guestimate as to what seems likely, not based on any actual memories of having done so. My stomach and its general surrounding area is my low-confidence area. So, while I haunted the Coming Soon section last summer waiting for the Renee (and the other dresses I was lusting after) to drop, I battled with myself as to whether I would have the ovaries to buy Renee when she came out.
I find it vaguely alarming that we’re already in 2015, but it’s exciting too because there’s a lot of events and plans I have for this year that I’m excited for. 2014 was good to me: I really found a polish and confidence in my pinup style that made me feel I’m continuing to grow and blossom as a woman; I began this blog and through it met a lot of lovely individuals through both followers and companies alike; but perhaps more importantly of all, I gained a bunch of unwanted weight and learned to love myself anyway.
It was no great surprise that I gained weight this year. My weight has always been something I’ve struggled to be consistent with because I straight up love food and hate exercising. It’s that simple. I’m kind of greedy, really. And this year I stopped exercising and I ate everything I wanted to eat. It’s not the healthiest thing to do because it’s important that everyone lead an active and balanced lifestyle. But I gave myself permission to focus on my life and my passions and enjoying myself, food included, to not beat myself up if I gained weight and to learn to love my body regardless of whether it swelled or shrank. I saw myself gaining weight, more than I wanted, but I still didn’t feel like I wanted to lose that weight, I didn’t feel I had to in order to feel comfortable or pretty or attractive, so I didn’t. I kept eating and I kept relaxing, and I didn’t stress about the lbs piling on. I began to love my body for the mere face that it exists and works and serves me beautifully even when my stomach is almost permanently sporting a food baby. I told myself that I am fabulous at any size, in any shape. And it’s true. I really believe I am. And I believe that kind of self-love and self-confidence is something every woman, every person, deserves to feel. Continue reading